Just found out today, that my dad has leukemia and that he needs to be airlifted to Mayo Clinic for cancer treatment.  Which is something that I never realized that could happen. But I know that he has had some bleeding problems for some time and I am aware of it.

But I am praising God and listening to worship music which calms me.

My sister thinks I should be angry and upset about all this because it my dad.

Well, if everyone truly understood. That I love my dad and he’s been there his own way in the past and the present but not a true father.  It was like he was the absent father and one that was hardly there except when he needed to be. The bottle and the bars were more important to him when I was growing up and was never there. He did finally became sober in 1976. I was 15 going on 16 then and he missed things like birthdays and was tired from working at night to enjoy Christmas morning with us as kids.

He was there for the other kids with his sobriety because they have grown up with that where I hadn’t. I didn’t reject him just felt that if I didn’t have to be a caretaker for my brothers and sisters. Maybe I wouldn’t feel the way I do. But I do.

So feeling sad or angry is something I have felt most of my life when it comes to my dad.

So I as I sit here and write this I feel healing and that God has taken some of the hurt away from me and healing my heart . I love my dad and pray that God heals him. But if not he will be healed through death.