I never had a chance to grieve the loss of my son to another family. I never had a chance to grieve a loss of a trust or even one that I messed up and one that I was cheat on. Never had a chance to see you grow and become the man you are today with 2 loving parents and family that loves you. I never got that chance.

I never got that chance to share with you that I have changed and that I love you because you never gave me that chance. You blocked me out and had your grandma on your side. You never gave me a chance though you said you did but you never did. You cut me out of life of someone new because of past behaviors not knowing the changes and the strengths I have gotten.

You never gave me a chance to share the Love of God and the forgiveness he has shown me for my past. The same gift he has for you. He has given me a chance to rebuild and share my life with others and try to share with you.

Your beliefs are wrong and if you had a chance to get the know the true person and the changes I have made and the love I have for you both. The breakthrough through counseling and talking through my feelings and heartache I feel to this day about things. You would see the change.

I never had a choice because of system and my mother and my past to do thiings that I would have loved to do. That I was lied to and told one thing and then behind my back something else was said. Never have I had a chance to share my side and how your grandma was behind it all even though we tried and helped and took a chance on you and tried to give you things.

If you open your heart and see who I really am and not cloud your mind and seek forgiveness from the past and see the future of me as a grandma that loves Ingrid and open your heart and let love of Jesus flow through you. There will be no more Never I’s.

The next step my child comes from you. Heal and seek out counseling and let the hurt and pain come out and don’t block it. I have blocks that I am trying to remember and trying to figure out. Tonight when I couldn’t sleep this was on my mind. So the ball is in your court. But I pray that each and everyday you will reach out and open that door and let the healing begin.

Because I never want to miss out on a day of hear Ingrid and seeing her growup and see you and Andy’s relationship blossom and grow.

Just like one day I will see you my son. Play a game of basketball or maybe grab a bite to eat or do something together. I know that the healing has begun with our relationship and I thank God that your mom is healing and that each step is a God step with her.